Halo: Crazy Random Ideas
by TheCrackedoutFirebird
Summary: A few of several ideas for Halo stories bouncing around in my head. We'll see where they go from here.


Surprises

John had never been truly surprised by anything. Sure, shocked and thrown off by random things happening on missions, but he always recovered and went on, never really being affected by any surprise. His sixth sense had always prevented anything from sneaking up on him. But, for the first time in his life, he was utterly surprised by what he was seeing. In front of him was a small child, at least four years old, with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a curious look on her face. The little girl cocked her head to the side as John stood rooted to the stop by shock. Behind him, he could sense the surprise coming from a freshly healed Avery, a fairly confused Thel, and the amusement coming off his surviving fellow Spartans. Beside the small child stood an anxious Miranda Keyes, waiting on John's response.

"How?" he asked once he'd recovered enough.

Miranda looked at him uneasily before she responded.

"I conceived the night before we left for the Ark."

It really wasn't a shock to anyone in the room. They'd been aware of John and Miranda's relationship since he'd come back from the mission to destroy the Covenant fleet that had originally been tasked with destroying Earth almost five years ago. But all thoughts were put to a stop as John knelt before the small girl, coming to eye level. She seemed just as curious about him as he was of her. But in hindsight, maybe still being in his armor wasn't such a good idea.

"What's your name?" John asked as gently as he could.

"My name is Melissa Lynn Keyes. I'm four years old." She told him, holding up four short fingers.

John surprised everyone by smiling lightly at her.

"My name is John. I'm…your Dad."

-x-x-x-x-x-

Shock and Awe

They rode in silence over the hills as the sun sank below the horizon. John normally wasn't bothered by it, but what had caused it made him slightly worried.

"Cortana?" He spoke.

He was met with silence as his AI companion refused to still speak with him.

"Come on Cortana. You can't still be mad at me."

"Oh yes I can." She shot back.

'_Good. Progress.' _He thought.

"I just don't understand why you're upset about my demo job. Enemy ship destroyed. Enemy ground forces eliminated. All high priority UNSC data copied and the originals destroyed. Mission accomplished." He rattled off as they rounded the dirt road toward the extraction point. "I really don't see what's wrong with that."

Had Cortana been human, she'd have slapped him upside the head while scowling at him.

"But nowhere did it say to highjack a phantom and crash it into the power plant next to the ONI facility! You could have gotten us killed had the reactor blown earlier than you had anticipated!" She replied heatedly.

John remained silent for a few moments before he replied.

"But you just can't beat the classic shock and awe. What does that say to the enemy? Fuck with us, we blow you to hell."

"More like Humans are suicidal retards with guns."

"Geez…must be your time of month…" John muttered, forgetting she could hear everything.

"What did you just say?" She asked dangerously.

Now, John felt panic.

"Um…does saying 'I love you' help?"

"NO!"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Seriously, He Has What?

"Bullshit."

The ODST in front of him shook his head as John gave him a skeptical look.

"I'm telling you Chief. Sergeant Major Johnson can shoot laser beams from his eyes!" He exclaimed excitedly. "I saw it myself."

John crossed his arms.

"Really? And when was this?"

"Last Tuesday. Private McMillan didn't give him the proper greeting of the day and he lasered him."

John rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Sure. Listen Marine, I think you've hit your head or something, because it's not humanly possible to fire lasers from your eyes."

The marine shook his head, using his hands for emphasis.

"Nah man. Sergeant Major Johnson is as strong as an ox. He's as agile as…a smaller ox."

"What?"

"He moves like a whisper that you only say to the wind at midnight." The Marine said with reverence.

"Why would you do that?" John asked, confused.

"He's as cunning as a fox, taking a pottery class at an Ivory league university that accepts foxes."

John shook his head.

"You're not very good at analogies, are you?" John asked.

The ODST waved him off.

"The point is, Sergeant Major Johnson is a pure Juggernaut. Nothing can stop him."

"Whatever man. I've got something to do. Thanks for the pointless conversation." John waved as he turned away.

He'd only walked a few feet when Johnson exited out a nearby hatch, looking excited. He spotted John and grinned widely.

"Hey, Chief! Watch this!"

His gaze snapped to the now scared shitless ODST. A pair of read beams shot from his eyes, connecting two inches from his face, becoming single beam that soared toward the unlucky Marine. The ODST was smashed back against the wall, leaving a Spartan with his jaw somewhere around his ankles. Johnson turned to John, grinning.

"What do you think?" He asked.

"I think I need to see a shrink." John admitted as he walked off toward the infirmary.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Last Words

John clutched his side tightly, trying to stem the blood loss, but knew he was failing. He rose to his feet, stumbling to the uplink terminal. His body screamed in protest, his breathe coming more and more shallow. He was going to die, and he knew it. The fuel rod blast had breached his armor, blowing a few inch gap into his side. He doubted even Biofoam would help him at this point. John gritted his teeth and tapped a few commands before pulling the chip that contained Cortana from his helmet. She appeared instantly, looking at him with worry.

"John…" She began, but the Chief cut her off.

"No time Cortana. I've got to upload you to the flagship."

She shook her head.

"No. I'm not leaving without you."

"You are." He told her firmly,

"I can't live without you." She told him, tears staring to fall.

John removed his helmet, for the visor was already cracked in places, the left side partly melted. His face wasn't much better with the third degree burn along the left cheek.

"You learn. Good bye Cortana…I love you."

Before she could do more than process shock at his statement, he pressed the send key, uploading her to the UNSC _Discovery_, an _Enterprise_-class heavy cruiser. John waited until the upload was completed and slid to the ground in front of the podium. He spotted several dozen enemy contacts making their way to him, but he'd be damned if he'd be their prisoner. He pulled the detonator from his cargo carrier and activated his fleet wide com.

"This is Sierra-One-One-Seven. The UNSC AI CTN 0452-9 has been passed to Charlie Alpha One Zero Three. Enemy advance makes retrieval impossible. Detonation of Ferris Warhead in ten seconds. Prepare for aftershock and EMP. Sierra One-One-Seven out."

With the push of a button, John-117 sacrificed himself to utterly destroy over three thousand Covenant forces along with two of the three prophets. This event forced the Covenant to negotiate a cease fire. Six years later, as Cortana lay dying as her core began to develop endless feedback loops, her thoughts reverted back to that day. She was shut down on November 7, 2558 at 1653 hours. Her last thoughts were of John.

'_I'll see you soon, my love.'_

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Better Not Do That

"I don't think this is allowed John." Cortana reminded him over the com.

The Chief shrugged it off.

"This is a dirty desperate war. Nothing is outside the boundaries."

"Whatever you say, John." She replied with a sigh.

John ignored her and quickly moved to his favorite sniper perch, waiting for the fireworks. Several seconds ticked by before he spotted movement. John stilled himself, not moving an inch as his target made its way toward the clearing. Its first mistake was not being on guard. The target walked calmly through the area, looking like it had no care in the world. Oh how wrong it was.

"Just a few more feet…"John muttered.

Sure enough, the target activated the mine and the explosion had the desired effect for across the front lawn, a single word was screamed with such hate a rage.

"DAD!" His completely drenched daughter screamed out.

John quickly disappeared to the neighbor's house, which happened to be Avery's. Halfway there, his com sounded with Cortana's annoyed voice.

"John, come back here and apologize to Mellissa. She's your daughter you know."

"You can do it for me. After all, she gets her temper from her mother, which is you if memory serves." He responded quickly.

"It takes two to tango, _dear_." He knew he was in trouble now. "So come back here, or you're going to become familiar with the couch."

John hung his head in defeat.

"Fine."


End file.
